A friend and I went out to dinner tonight. She is my sounding board, and she could give Dr. Laura a run for her money. Our conversation centered on the“you shouldn’t change for a guy” line that friends and family and acquaintances and the entire world throw out at girls who are of the dating age. She told a story about how within the first week of dating the guy who would become her husband, she told her best friend, P, that if it would be too upsetting for P, she wouldn’t start seeing the guy. P, who is wise beyond her years, told my friend that, she would be mad if she didn’t date this guy because of P’s feelings, because she should be able to find happiness with a guy. P explained that she shouldn’t be able to give him up, if he was in fact the love of her life, not even for her best friend. Yes, their relationship would evolve, but they never stopped being friends, they never stopped caring for each other, but they did have to redefine their friendship to include her husband.

Her point was this: yes, when you are young and dating to figure out yourself you shouldn’t change for a guy. That guy is not going to stick around to see the woman you have become, he’s Mr. Right Here/Right Now and in the long run, your friends are going to see you through the break up with him, and the many more breakups in your future. At this point, it is important to stay true to yourself and to not change to make a guy like you. But, when you reach the age that you are looking to settle down with a husband, when you have found someone you love, who loves you back it is necessary to change.

Your husband is supposed to be your best friend. Your husband is your confidant, your partner, your lover and the person you spend your most intimate moments with, the person you share your complete self with, and it should be this way. That does not mean that your other relationships with best friends, friends or family are over, it simply means that you are growing up, trying to start a life with someone else and there will be some change involved, because your priorities change when you are trying to add someone into your life. It is important to spend time with your new partner, it is important to get to know them on a deeper level than you know all of your friends, and it is important to search and truly find out if you could spend the rest of your life building a life with that person.

True, it is important to keep friendships, there will always be a time when you need girlfriends to spend an evening with, but if you have found someone you think you could spend the rest of your life with, it is important to put them first, to truly not be able to give them up, because it is at that point that you have found “the love of your life.”